“mama”

It’s just getting harder to leave. Every day it’s getting closer to Saturday. I refuse to pack my belongings, I don’t even think of saying goodbye yet, I don’t want to do my lasts, I just want to treat each day like every day before. Maybe I’m in denial, but you just can’t understand how tough it is.

Today, after I finished tutoring the kids at the orphanage, Matt (the director of the orphanage) was in a meeting so I went upstairs to spend time with the girls like I always do. I love the younger ones, they’re all around 10 years old. They’re so playful and fun, but their English isn’t quite conversational yet. Two of the girls can carry on a good conversation with you, and today we spent two hours just talking about everything. We joked around, we talked about boys, we talked about America. It makes me sad because the girls want to be adopted. They want to have a family and live well. They’re treated like a big family at the home, but there’s something so personal about your own small family.

In Cambodia, Americans cannot adopt Cambodian children, unless of course, you’re Angelina Jolie. I understand part of their reasoning, but it hurts me for the ones that really need a home. For our children at the home, the goal is to raise them to be leaders in the body. Sreimom even told me today that she wants to be a missionary and travel the world. She’s 14 years old and could model for Vogue if she was ever discovered. They truly are being discipled at the home, and if we were to take them to America, they would not be effective ministers of the Gospel in Cambodia.

Today, I told all of the girls I was leaving. Their faces broke my heart. One threw her arms around me and said “please take me with you.”  I just held back tears, knowing that I couldn’t yet let myself go. I’ve really bonded with them. One of the little ones doesn’t let anyone touch her…but me. I’ve built trust with her, and now she climbs all over me whenever I’m around. They all plopped themselves in the floor of their room and drew me pictures. Every one of them wrote the words “I love you” on each picture. The boys and girls have all asked me to stay and be their ”Mama”. That would entail me marrying Matthew, who is better known as “Papa”, which chances of that happening are slim to none, however the children just don’t quite understand. (SIDENOTE: Matt is a GREAT guy, and all the single ladies out there willing to live on the mission field should contact me if interested. He’s 32 and a big kid!) Sreilin, one of the girls, actually told me today that she wanted to intentionally wreck my current relationship so that I could be free to marry Matt. It was hysterical.

Anyway, the arrival day is getting closer, and I am not looking forward to leaving. At least I can leave knowing that to some girls, I was looked up to as their mama for a little bit.

~ by Kristen Pace on April 27, 2009.